October 19, 2003
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What a bunch of fucking morons!
The above should have been the headline of the news story that inspired this. The real header was “Liberated minks run amok in exurbs.” It seems that this bunch of,well, fucking morons, for want of a more precise term, calling themselves the Animal Liberation Front broke into a mink farm in Sultan, Washington, a small town not far from Seattle.
These pea-brained posturing pricks released 10,000 ranch-bred minks into the wild, an act which these nimrods have called “a beautiful act of compassion.” Compassion, my Aunt Fanny. Never mind that it was a crime, pure and simple-minded–vandalism and burglary and probably a few other felonies which could be tacked onto an indictment. Never mind that it caused significant economic hardship for a bunch of perfectly decent people and brought chaos to an entire town. That they will ever be busted is doubtful–the FBI says these clowns have been running loose for at least seven years and have committed some 600 like offenses. But was it good for the minks?
Well for openers, it probably wasn’t very good for the hundreds or thousands of “liberated” minks that got squashed by cars shortly after the crime. It seems that ranch minks, when released into the wild, tend to run in front of cars–they are fed from motorized carts,and are conditioned to associate the sound of a motor running with food. Obviously, the ALF didn’t think of this; or if they did, didn’t care. When a fanatic’s mind is made up, who wants to be confused with facts?
And another fact is that minks are nasty. They caw like large crows, and they stink to high heaven. They have needle-sharp teeth, and the ones who are still at large in Seattle have slaughtered ducks and chickens and fingerling salmon. The damned things are vermin who happen to grow really nice fur. But back to the story.
All but a thousand or so of the suviving fugitives were rounded up and re-caged, which brought out another charming feature of minks–they are cannibals. Yep. Farmed minks are reasonably sociable, but only if they have been brought up in the same cage. If they were reared in different cages, they see each other as enemies (much like domesticated primates, I might add) and wll try to kill and eat each other on sight. The ones who have been rounded up and re-caged have been doing so with a will.
The ones who remain in the wild seem to be adapting–at the expense of local ducks, chickens, salmon, mice and nesting birds. They have the ability, said state biologist Ruth Milner, of “wiping them out.”
(Ranter’s note: The observant reader may wonder hy I refrained from referring to the self-righteous, epic-scaled narcissistic personality disorder cases of the ALF as assholes. The fact is, to call THEM assholes is to defame REAL assholes. Real assholes serve a useful purpose, and bring laughter, pleasure and relief to millions. That is lots more than you can say for the metaphorical assholes of the ALF and others of their shrill and mean-spirited ilk, such as PETA.)
Comments (2)
I was living in Vail Colorado when E.L.F the “Earth Liberation Front” set half of Vail mountain on Fire in order to protest the expansion of the ski area. Stating that it was going to destroy the Linx habitat. First off how in the heck did you PROTECT the linx habitat by setting it on fire and destroying the vegitation and land that they live off of. and second off how in the HELL am I suppose to have any type of respect or understanding for a group that has the acronym of ELF. Sorry I just can’t stand that they don’t think of their own hypocracy when commiting these acts.
OH-MY-GOD! This is a HORRIBLE story…the hair stood up on the back of my neck as you recounted them being re-caged….shit. This is one thing that I’ve never considered about animal activist groups (other than the simple common sense that ranch bred animals are not likely to survive in the wild)…I’m glad you posted it.