June 25, 2004

• The  Ludicrous Adventures of Captain Blogfodder.

  It was 4:00 am in the morning, and
  Peter Porker was both tired and wired.  Anyone would be–anyone
  who had been up 23 straight hours on the computer, sustained only by
  dedication, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Diet Pepsi, and Pixie
  Sticks.  What’s more, Peter wasn’t just anyone. 
  For one thing, he was one of the most intelligent primates on the
  planet–Marilyn Dos Equis wrote to HIM for advice.  (Marilyn,
  famous “advice to the stupid” columnist writing for Pomade
  Magazine, was credited with having THE highest IQ, but that was a
  ruse, a conspiracy fomented by the Just Us League, a group of
  disillusioned former members of Schmensa and Smartashell, who realized
  that having a high IQ made one a target.  Marilyn was well-paid to
  be their front person.  She didn’t even have to write the stupid
  column herself–it was ghosted by Suede Greysox, a leathery old
  Alaskan.)  For another thing, he was an orphan–his parents had
  been 60′s protesters who didn’t know when (or how) to give up. 
  (They were so retro they still smoked Mexican dirtweed.)  Anyway,
  they were in New York City picketing the World Trade Center on THAT
  day, carrying signs that said “Bring down this corporate
  structure!”  They got their wish–however, a large part of it fell
  on them in the process, and Peter became independently wealthy
  from the financial settlement.  His folks were flaky, but they DID
  have great earning potential, and Peter got 2.3 million tax-free bucks
  out of the deal.

  Peter was up late being a mod for
  rotsem (refuge of the screaming emotional morons), a popular bulletin
  board,  He used to moderate their rival, Bumbfhock, but quit,
  having become disillusioned when he hacked into their secret files and
  discovered that the ad was secretly auctioning off the coveted high
  post counts on Ebay.

  NEXT time:  Learn more about rotsem and its members, and meet Peter’s step-parents.

   

  • 2:31 pm
  • 6 Comments