September 14, 2004
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And one of those nights. . . .
Used to be, I’d sleep right through the night, even on those rare occasions when I wasn’t heavily sedated one way or another. One time I woke up and all these trees and power lines were down–I had slept through a major windstorm. But I digress. These days, or nights, I am doing good if I manage two hours’ sleep at a time. I usually wake up every 30 to 90 minuites, take a leak or some pain pills (depending on what woke me up) and go right back to sleep. Not last night.
Put in my ear plugs, turned out the light, got situated with the cat and laid there. And laid there. Did a bunch of mantras and affirmations. And laid there. After maybe an hour, I drifted off, woke up a few minutes later. Dunno what the deal was. I was in no more pain than usual, had nothing eating at my tiny mind, had gone relatively easy on the coffee. When I finally did go to sleep for a while, I had this dandy dream.
Kathy and I were living in this big house. It was late, she had gone to bed, and earlier I had found some buds in a Zip-loc. (This really happened a lot shortly after we got clean, we would always be finding little bits of dope around the house, which we gave to the needy.) This time, in the dream, I wanted to smoke the shit and went prowling all around the house looking for a pipe. What I found was jewelry, lots and lots of jewelry, earrings and pendants and elaborate filigree work necklaces, all mine, all silver, and all either garnet or opal. (I can almost hear Kathy going “Aha!” at this point. I love rocks, eschew garnets due to their metaphysical property of helping to manifest life lessons, of which I have had quite enough, thank you, and continue to get without the help of the garnet deva. Sometimes when a rock customer rubs me the wrong way, I will give him or her a garnet, hee hee.) Silver is what I mostly wear, partly because it is cheaper than gold, also because I like it better–also, it relates to the moon and psychism and that sort of stuff.
Then I found a real big opal necklace and I ate it. It was sweet and crunchy, like peanut brittle. I do love opals, have one that Kathy wire-wrapped for me, and another that has been sitting on her work table for a few years waiting for her to wire-wrap that. What this all means, I don’t know. I do know that it impressed me enough to write it down when I woke up, which was at 2:52 am.
I got back to sleep sometime after 3:30, and slept until six, got up and let the cat out. Got up again at seven-thirty, let the cat back in, and that was my night.
(Note to movie buffs: CQ had F. F. Coppola as an executive director, was written and directed by Roman Coppola.)
Comments (5)
I can just see you, today after it warms up, sitting there in your sunny car with Smoky on your lap, dozing off. If I had to guess on what was disturbing your sleep last night, I’d say it’s the damned disease. It does that.
Why opals and garnets, I wonder?
Oh, and on the subject of life lessons: what you resist persists.
Yeah, maybe that’s why I keep finding garnets in odd places.
I have found out what causes both the sleeplessness AND the leakiness. It is caffeine. A horrible sacrifice, I know. It’s as if one must be driven by sickness or ailment in order to give this last mild pleasure up. Maybe you can find a mineral drink or other to substitute. (I have, but still haven’t found a good hot drink yet – well, I haven’t really looked, yet). Probably you won’t do anything but disbelieve because, after all, this is like asking for the last straw. I understand. I’m sorry, for myself and you, but I have found this to be the truth. Naturally, it may not pertain to everybody but I’d bet it does to damn near. And this view will never, but never, be supported by the orthodox medical brains who are woven into the matrix of the business world. I found out the hard way one day when it shut down my digestion altogether and took away my sense of balance one morning as I woke up. I got it back in a couple weeks by flooding myself with EFA’s and Niacin and minerals and much other stuff and no more breads and junk. I am finding that music sounds so much sweeter and thoughts are more hopeful and the day is just a damn sight better. It’s often the stupidest mildest pleasures like coffee or cigarettes that are hardest to give up because they seem so innocuous … and then what have you left? and what to share with people? I know. Life is not easy but it’s fun anyway, and I have fun reading your blogs.
you use the phrase “but i digress” a lot.