August 29, 2005
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A Truely Loathsome Individual
I live in a low-income area, sell weapons for a living, and set up shop next to place that sells off-road vehicles of dubious provenance. Thus, I often see people who are, well, unattractive. Some are meth freaks with greasy jeans and greasier hair and teeth that look like halloween candy; others are stumbling drunks; still others are fat white guys with tribal tattoos on their steroid-enhanced biceps–still, many of them manage to have at least one redeeming feature. Recently, however, I witnessed a guy who was so totally repulsive, who had gone to so much trouble and expense to enhance his natural ugliness, who exuded such utterly foul and heinous vibes that I could not let him go unremarked. He was a customer at the afore-mentioned midnight auto supply store. (It sells other stuff–right now, for instance, you could buy a western saddle or a cement mixer. But I digress.)
His posture was awful, he slouched and slumped when he wasn’t strutting. He was average height, well above average weight. He had a double chin and a moderate beer gut. Nondescript short brown hair, pig face, close-set beady eyes. His “why-bother ” beard (that is, one of those real short and carefully trimmed ones) did not begin to hide his weak chin or lack of facial bone structure. One eyebrow was pierced, as was one ear, and the space between his lower lip and chin was pierced, and there was a one-inch spike protruding from it.
He was nattily attired in baggy black pants, dirty sneakers and a t-shirt that wittily announced to the world that “your little princess is my little whore.” But wait, it gets better. There was his vehicle.
I think that what you drive says a lot about you. In my neighborhood, it often just says “okay, I’m poor.” I’m not quite sure what his said, but I don’t think it was good. It was a newish pickup truck, a Dodge Ram. I contend that any man who drives a Dodge Ram has serious masculinity issues. Better yet, it was a short-bed. (Get it? SHORT-bed? Ahem.) It was one of those slightly jacked-up affairs, with a step bar so you could at least get into the damn thing without a ladder. The rear window was tinted dark. The icing on the cake was the decals. Two of them, both white silhouettes of naked women–okay, they had on high heels. The one on the left had horns and a tail. The one on the right had wings and a halo.
Somehow, I doubt the guy dates very much–at least, not without setting a fee in advance.
Comments (3)
Your little princess is my little whore?! Yea…….that’ll get ya some ass dude. You keep trying that.
This reminds of a recent event in my life, which I will share with you b/c I have nothing better to do. I have to go to the local medicaid office quite frequently lately. Everytime I’ve been there is a large crowd, (maybe 7 or 8) black guys in front. They usually whistle at me or something, but otherwise leave me alone so I dont’ really mind. It’s just whistling right? There is one who opens the door for me and that is good, b/c I have a screaming toddler in one arm.
Anyways, I’m finishing up my business inside and I walk out the door, which was again opened by one of the guys out there. They are usually lined up on either side of the wheelchair ramp and also blocking the stairs. They move in this formation when youg white mothers come out usually. Anyways, this way you have to walk between two rows of big huge black guys whistling at you. This unnerves me, but it’s right in front of a busy street, so not like they can do anything. I just put on my ‘Touch me, I’ll kick your ass. And besides I have much better things to deal withthan you’ look. As I’m walking through, one steps in front and says this wonderfully arousing statement. (At least I assume that’s what he was going for) “Oh Baby, you sexy. mmmm…….Are you attracted to black men?” *place sick smile here* With out a beat, my response “I am incredibly attracted to black men. Unfortuanately I have found everyone I ever met to be lewd and obnoxious.” He got very confused by my plain English which allowed me to brush past very quickly. All of them were confused by that statement except one. The guy who opens the door for me. He was laughing his ass off. He called out as I got in my car, “Chick, you awesome!” Yes. Yes I am.
Anyways that’s my story. How it relates to your’s……….I forgot.
Oh yeah! The things that guys do thinking they gonna get some when all it does is prove what complete idiots they truly are. I once saw a t-shirt that read, ‘Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them’
I need that shirt.
Wow this was long. Later hun.
LMAO!
Your sister shut down her site and I’m upset. If you talk to her tell her to e-mail me or something cuz she’s super cool!