September 4, 2002

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  Well gang, I had just finished this great blog about street peddling and dickering and troublesome customers, clicked outside the box and it all vanished.  Gone to the cyberspace trashpile.  SuSu tried to retrieve it, and said you weren’t supposed to be able to do that.  SIgh.  The techno-idiot strikes again.  So here goes again, re-writing this whole thing, although maybe a tad abbreviated.

  
  

  First, some helpful hints on saving money without being obnoxious at price-negotiable venues such as yard sales, flea markets, and street peddlers.  Timing is important.  The first few, and last few customers of the day can get the best deals.  We like to start the day off with a sale ASAP, and so may well offer better bargains to the first few.  Converesly, the last customers often get real deals, especially if we had a lack-luster sales day, and especially if we are selling something bulky, like second-hand safes, or stuffed Chinamen, or something else of that ilk. (Actually, we don’t have ilk around here–some moose, no ilk.  But I digress.)

  
  

  About dickering–I hate it,  but will do it when necessary to make a sale.  SuSu doesn’t hate it, just refuses to do it–someone tries to Hindu her down on a price, she raises it.  So there!  If you do dicker (and at, say, flea markets, it is considered de rigeur),a low-key approach is best.  A simple “Would you take $7?” for an item marked $10 is cool, and often works.  ANother handy phrase is “Is that your best price?”  But don’t be a cocktease–if you dicker us down, you bloody well better buy the item–that has happened to me, and I hate it and the tease with a passion.

  
  

  Something else to avoid is mindless repatition–if the seller refuses your offer once, don’t keep haring in in, hoping to wear him down and make yourself such a nuisance that he gives you a bargain just to get rid of you.  And don’t poormouth, especially when you are wearing $3000 worth of designer duds and diamonds.  I have had obviously rich folks try to dicker recreationally, trying to get me to go down a few dollars, seemingly just for the fun of it.  I recently put a nice Beretta lockback on sale, down to $39 from $59, and this diamond-encrusted yuppie bitch got me down to $29, barely more than I paid for it.  But it was early, and it had become a white elephant–the box was way shopworn.  Now for a look at some of the real menaces of customerdom–they are the kiter, the booster, the looky-loo, the be-back, and the don’t-get-up.

  A kiter is a bad-check artist.  So far, I’ve just been hit by one, this nice lady from California with a cute little girl, who got over $100 worth of stones (including a really nice precious opal) for a worthless $80 check.  I would fillet her if I had the chance.  The booster is an out and out thief.  So far this year, I have been ripped off twice–some unsub got a gold nugget, and a really slick little kid with his mom palmed a stone ring right under my nose.  I knew he did it–I keep the ring displays full so it is obvious when one is missing–but I couldn’t prove it, short of  holding the little bastard upside down and shaking vigorously.  Which might have been satisfying, but probably would have hurt my hernia. Speaking of thieves, the Pinkertons did a study and found that 70% of the population will steal if they get a chance.  If you are honest, this will stun you–if you are a thief, you will think “Gee, is that all?”

  
  

  Now a looky-loo is a special sort of thief, but doesn’t steal your wares.  He is a recreational browser, who thinks nothing of stealing your time and energy (not to mention fingering all your goods) for a few minutes of free entertainment.  A subset of the looky-loo is the be-back.  This cowardly asscrack can’t just leave without buying, but makes some lame-ass excuse like “I have to go back in the bar and finish my bloody mary.  Then I’ll come back and buy _____>”  (Some drunk woman actually said this to me.  I could cheerfully cure her drinking problem by simply severing her radial artery.)  To add a racist note, I have observed  that 90% of white folks do not come back–90% of non-whites do.  Just anothe rinstance of the perfidy of the Aryan superrace.

  
  

  Finally, we have possible the most irritating–the don’t-get-up.  I have a folding chair I sit on between customers, and often some old fart will stop by and sort of flap a hand at me, saying “Don’t get up.”  That is a clear admission to being a brass-bound looky-loo, as well as a statement that he or she has already decided  that none of my wares are worth patronage.  I should add, in all fairness, that sometimes, a don’t-get-up will buy something, and that is a sweet victory.

  
  

  Thus endith this, my latest rant.  Now, being as how I am off today due to an unpromising weather forecast for Talkeetna, I shall go to town with SuSu, go to the library and the old farts’ feed (aka the senior luncheon) at the community center in Willow,pick up a knife order (okay, SuSu will probably pick it up in deference to myhernia), make a deposit at the credit union, and get a shower.  (I can smell my beard–it smells like compost.  That is one good sign I need a shower.  You probably don’t want to know thw others.)  Then home and taking out some trash, pricing the knoives, and stayingout of the way of SuSu and Doug go back to the roof.  Meantime, happy trails!

  • 2:23 pm
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