A different angle:

#1.  In typical NPD style, he has his own definition of overeating.  I recall a time when there were 3 servings of meat to divide among four people, and he ate all of them, leaving the rest of us to make do with our portions of scrambled eggs, toast and fried potatoes, of which he also got his share.  Just last night, half an hour after eating his dinner of salmon filet with vegies, when I was cooking a burger for Doug, he requested one too, and ate it.

I would question the “inability to control” part, because I see him controlling some of his impulses.  I’ve often wondered what it was that made him tell me that he had just had an impulse to touch my hair or come across the room and hug me.  It seems sadistic to resist such impulses and then tell one’s wife about it.  He has selective control of impulses, as evidenced by several lengthy periods of sobriety.

#2.  That statement about how few times he has seen “an MD” is misleading, since our usual health care providers out here are physicians’ assistants and nurse practitioners.  It would be more informative if he revealed not just how often he drops in at the mobile clinic or goes up to the regular health center, but also how often he exaggerates a case of sniffles or makes a big deal out of getting a little bit out of breath with some activity. 

He also has a habit of ”hollering before he is hurt,” screaming as if he has been injured when he has simply been scared by the dog jumping up on him or something falling and hitting the floor near him. 

Then there is his irrational fear of things like cat scratch fever, dog saliva, etc.  Many times he has screamed, flinched, and held his hand over “wounds” received in the course of normal activities, as if to stop the flow of blood, only to be unable to display a scratch once he got the attention he was angling for and I was prepared to do first aid.

Within a few years of his moving in here, I learned to keep a hidden stash of first aid supplies.  He would use up bandaids where no wound existed, I am convinced, just to convey the impression of a wound.  I’ve known of kids wanting bandaids as badges, but he is the first adult like that I ever met.  Until I got hip to his habits, there were several occasions when Doug or I would get a serious cut, and I would find nothing but empty band-aid boxes in the first aid kit.  Not only did Greyfox use them all up frivolously, but he didn’t replenish the supplies.

#3.  He appears to have made significant progress on this one.  I think the progress is directly proportional to his awareness and acknowledgement of the symptom.  As we went over this checklist together, I noticed that several of the symptoms that he denied or “didn’t notice” having were the ones that cause the most distress to the family.  His newfound willingness to listen when we tell him about these things, and to read the literature, etc., is helping him transcend the symptoms.

#4. Even a, “small, old… feeble” man can be intimidating to a ten-year-old child, when he is hitting that child with a bag full of cans of food.  There are also many other kinds of fear besides physical.  Doug and I came to recognize Greyfox’s dangerous moods.  We would watch out the window to see how he moved and his expressions as he came up the driveway.  I would know before he got to the house if he was drinking, and anyone would know from his voice when he greeted us whether he had a bad day or not.  He always tends to take his bad times out on us, just as he uses us as a captive audience so he can crow about his triumphs. 

I have a bit of a hard time with that “air of mystery” statement, but then my son and I are sensitive, empathic and telepathic.  Try as he might to be mysterious and devious, the best he ever managed around here was deceptive, indirect and underhanded. 

As long as I have known him, he has been a backstabber unless his victim was small, weak or infirm.  I believe this number on the checklist covers the time when I was extremely ill and had gotten prescriptions for meds to help me breathe.  He swelled up with power and just quietly postponed going to town to fill the scrips.  I kept asking him to go.  He kept saying okay but not doing anything (a typical, longstanding tactic of his, passive aggression).  At the end of the second or third day, when it was too late to get to the pharmacy on time, Doug finally confronted him, asking Greyfox, “Are you trying to kill my mom?”  

His only response then was an incredulous look.  We both spoke to him the next day, trying to get a straight answer on when he would go for the meds.  It was not until I gave up on him and asked Doug to walk over to his dad’s place and get Charley to find a way to town for my meds, that Greyfox put on his coat and went to town.

#5.  It is true that he seems to prefer being alone, or at least in company that he does not find trying or stressful.   However, whether alone or in company, he always wants to be “entertained”.  His preferences in books, TV, movies, etc., are for fast-paced, intense, and entertaining as opposed to educational, enlightening or thought-provoking.   Note how he spends his alone time:  “reading or watching videos or doing cross-word puzzles.”  Diversion is an essential for him.  Thinking, being introspective, engaging in intimate conversation, all cause him distress.

Frequently when I hear him whimper and question the sound, he says, “I was just thinking,” as if thinking itself is painful.  When I hear him laugh to himself and I ask him to share the joke, it is often some revenge-fantasy to get even with someone who has done him narcissistic injury… but I think that comes under a later entry on the checklist.