May 19, 2005
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Three Alaska Mysteries
Case the first: At 3:10 am Saturday, Nicolette L. Anderson, 21, is stopped for erratic driving and busted for driving drunk. The troopers put her in the back seat of their cruiser, whereupon she expresses her displeasure by kicking out the rear window. Feisty little lady, that. The shower of glass sent one trooper to Valley Hospital for some Band-Aids and a lollipop. Little Nicky was charged with resisting arrest, assault, and criminal mischief in addition to the DUI.
The mystery: What the hell was she thinking?
Case the second: Early Saturday afternoon, Matthew Haar, 17, is driving along eastbound on the Palmer-Wasilla Highway with a couch in the bed of his Chevy Avalanche. The couch makea a desperate attempt to escape, ends up in westbound traffic. Thump.
John Hunter, 53, slams on the brakes of his Avalanche to avoid hitting the couch (screech!), gets rear-ended by Allison Barkhurst, 40, who is driving a Chevy utility truck. (crash! tinkle, tinkle)
Then Vincent Cramer, 29, slams into the back of Barkhurst’s truck (another crash, etc), and spins her around and she ends up off the highway altogether.
Haar was busted for having an unsecured load, Barkhurst was taken to Valley Hospital, and the couch refused to comment.
Mystery: What was the couch doing in the Avalanche in the first place? Was Haaar moving? Did he have a hot date that night and couldn’t afford a motel? Did he just feel sorry for the couch, maybe thought it was getting cabin fever, needed some air? Had he stolen the couch? We may never know.
Case the third: Near mnidnight on Thursday, Palmer police showed up at a disturbance–Kevin M. Stock, 46, had beaten the snot out of someone, striking him repeatedly with a “metal and plastic boot cast.” He really whaled on the vic– who sustained two serious head lacerations, plus numerous cuts, abrasions, and bruises to his upper body. Not to mention the sheer humiliation. Stock was arrested for assault and also busted on an old outstanding DUI charge (no surprise there).
Mystery: So was Stock wearing the cast or what? Did he sort of knock down the vic and stomp him, or did he wield the cast like some clumsy club? And why did he not use a more efficient weapon? Oh well. . . .when casts are outlawed, only outlaws will have casts. . . . .
Stay tuned for more tales from the Land of the Midnight Sun.
Comments (6)
You amuse me.
1) she wasn’t
2) sofa so good
3) i thought it was cast no stones, not stone with casts…meh
say hey to that wild woman of yours for me, alrighty?
You reported well, but missed the pertinent questions to all three happenings.
No.1 Not what was she thinking but what was she drinking? That was some grade of hooch!
No.2 What was the brand name of such a restless couch, and did it have wheels? Could it self-propel? Did it vibrate?
No.3 Was Stock’s cast well-made enough that it held up to the punishment, and if so, who was the doctor that makes such strong and reliable casts, you know, in case we ever need a cast?
Just confirms my suspicion that most people are idiots.
Hey! Long time no see? Well I have something to ask you. I am creating this xanga movement of helping out those that cry for help in xanga: emo and cutters. Can you join this movement to help these people?
1) Kids will be kids, been there done that, except I kept screaming at the 2 female officers to get away from me you dike bitches! God I’d love to see that video. (ps – 3 yrs sober….still smoking though… oh well, never wrecked a car from dropping a cig … or did I???)
2) Dude didn’t know the couch was there, it landed during the avalanche.
3) Depends. Was he charged with ‘simple assault’ or something more complicated?