Month: January 2005

  • An Important Announcement


    Well, important to me, anyway.  I am humble and proud to announce that I have been made moderator of the religion/metaphysics forum of one of the newest boards out there, Haywood’s Flying Circus.  I invite anyone reading this to check it out at


    www.haywoodsflyingcircus.tk


    and also would venture to ask for help in spreading the word.  If it feels right, please post a link on one of your blogs or let your friends know via text message, smoke signals, whatever.  This is a small board–only about 50 members so far–and very dynamic.

  • Wasilla Gun Show

    Only in Alaska, I think– a gun show at a high school. For one brief
    shining weekend a year, the halls of academe are stalked by bearded,
    camo-clad men reeking of testosterone and Hoppes #10, and wielding
    automatic weapons.  God, how I love it!

    I may as well get the bad news out of the way first,  One,
    profits were lousy–it was my second-least lucrative gun  show
    ever.  This was especially galling since my hopes–okay,
    expectations–were high,  due to a number of factors.  The
    show itself was centrally-located and well-publicized.  And two, I
    had a greater stock than ever–lots of high-end Columbias River and
    Buck folders, plus oriental sword sets and battle-axes.  What’s
    more–for the first time since going into business–I was set up to
    accept credit cards.  All of this added up to my hoping to do
    $500-1000 better than average–as it was, I did maybe $500 LESS than
    average.  And on top of that, four knives were stolen from me over
    the weekend.  One had a $114 tag on it, the others were
    cheapies.  Still, it rankles.  Some day I may splurge on a
    nice little glass-topped display case.  But I digress.

    The show got off inauspiciously.  Dealers could not set up the
    day before ,the way we can when gun clubs run the shows, so the doors
    of the high school opened to us at 5 in the morning.  I was too
    keyed up to get to sleep the night before, finally went down around
    midnight, woke up at three, got up at 3:30 am.  This turned out to
    be good–when I got to the school, I discovered that I had three
    tables, instead of two, and only enough clothes to cover two .  So
    I went back home, no big deal, and got not only some extra clothes but
    also some extra merchandise–mostly belt buckles and hematite
    necklaces.  This turned out real well, since I made close to $100
    selling the buckles and necklaces.  What’s more, on the way
    out from the school, I saw a moose in town, calmly eating a tree
    between the high school and a neighboring church.  That was neat,
    and I would have missed that AND the extra sales had I been prepared in
    the first place.

    Notable at the show was what didn’t sell.  As a rule, I move
    three to six survival knives–sold one this time.  I usually sell
    a few triple-threats, an awesome (and illegal in seven other states)
    fighting knife with twin saw-edged blades and a sharpened serrated
    knuckle guard–didn’t sell one.  The last show, I sold out on Buck
    Eccos, that being a very high-quality folder with a half-serrated
    sheepsfoot blade and a plain drop-point blade.  I got them on a
    special close-out sale from one of my wholesalers, so I can sell them
    for half the suggested retail and still make an acceptable
    profit.  Didn’t sell a single Buck this time. I DID,
    however, sell two oriental sword sets–both to other
    dealers–and two battle-axes.

    And I got rid of a few white elephants; that is, items that become
    nuisances, like the Chinese-made kukri.  I had it in stock
    for  over six months, got the  thing by accident in the first
    place–one of my wholesalers has non-English speaking sales reps and I
    place my orders by phone, so misunderstandings abound.  Anyway, I
    finally sold that.  And I had a lipstick knife, one of those
    novelty items, looks like a tube of lipstick, but when you turn a
    little metal collar, a knife blade instead of a lipstick
    comes out.  That drew a lot of attention for months  but no
    buyers; finally, someone stole the damn thing, now I don’t have to deal
    with it any more.  And I was pleased to have sold four of my pot
    knives (HUH?).  That is, knives that have an illustration of a pot
    leaf and the motto “Hey, at least it isn’t crack.” Complete with a
    handy metal box perfect for keeping your stash in.

    Best of all was not what I sold, but what I purchased.  Money was too 
    tight for me to buy a gun, as is my usual custom.  Otherwise, I would
    have snapped  up a sweet little Beretta that I have seen at the last
    three shows.  OR the fairly awesome four-barreled .357 magnum
    derringer.  And there was a .38 special Colt revolver that felt good in
    my hand.  Oh well. . . .But  this is one of the more open gun shows
    (some of the more anal-retentive ones are quite restrictive and
    snobbish about what one can sell), and I found a  whimsical little
    glass paperweight, hand-made and rather old, in the shape of a bird. 
    Paid $2 for it.  Another dealer had an old Schrade jack knife, one of
    the little two-blade peanuts with faux stag  handles–I got it for
    $4.    And here I must get defensive.  I see nothing wrong with taking
    advantage of someone else’s ignorance, when the someone else is selling
    something for far less than its value–like the guy who bought a  chair
    at a yard sale for $2, and it turned out to be a Philadelphia
    Chippendale, circa 1770, worth well over a grand.

    In one fell swoop, I got a Buck, two Schrades, and an awesome
    hand-made sheath knife from one table.  The sheath knife, about
    which I will blog in detail at a later date, and with a picture
    courtesy of the web goddess, was worth maybe $300-600.  The Buck
    was a model 112, just like the classic 110 lockback, only a slightly
    smaller and more convenient size.  It was in perfect shape and
    razor-sharp.  New, they retail for around $50.  The Schrades
    were bigger lockbacks, clones of the Buck 110 actually–one is an Old
    Timer, the other an Uncle Henry.  I don’t know what they were
    worth, but I am offering them for sale at $20 each. Anyway, all
    Schrades are more or less collectable now that the factory has gone out
    of business.  The Buck and the sheath knife are MINE, all mine, I
    tell you, moo hoo hoo ha ha ha.  Ahem.  Anyway, the dealer
    asked for $40 for all four, which I gladly paid, and scampered away
    before he came to his senses.

    Meanwhile, I am keenly looking forward to the next gun show–March
    5.  And if I can possibly swing it, I am going to get that Beretta!

    Then you can call me Bond.  James Bond. 

    And I will have that chocolate malt shaken, not stirred.

  • NPD Progress


    New readers should know that from time to time, I blog about the progress I make in therapy for my NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, something which is, I think, rather more common among bloggers and board-posters than among the general population.  For those unfamiliar with it, the symptoms include total self-absorbtion; complete lack of empathy;  a tendency to be manipulative, deceitful, calculating, cold, grandiose, and impractical.  And those are our good points. (rim shot) You see many NPD folks in the ranks of politicians, sports celebrities, investigative reporters, actors, and serial killers. 


    I’m going to address empathy here.  When one of my therapists–Kathy, actually–first told me about empathy, she said it was when you felt someone else’s pain.  I was puzzled.  “Why would I want to do that?  I feel enough of my own,” I said.  I still don’t see the point of this empathy thing, or how it benefits me, but I am starting to suspect that some of Kathy’s is starting to rub off.  Here’s why.


    It used to be, I would positively gloat when reading about the misfortunes of the rich and powerful, like when some Hollywood mucky-muck’s hillside mansion gets ruined by a landslide.  When a snowmachiner would go down a cravasse, I would exult.  My reaction to 9/11 was “Woo hoo!”  Or “Cool,” or something equally unsympathetic.  When bad stuff happened to poor and powerless folks like me, I was unmoved.  No more.


    I was reading about the flooding in California, which seemed like small potatoes after the tsunami.  Then I read about one guy, saw his picture, and started to tear up.  His name was Jamie Wallet, I think, a 38-year old itinerant carpenter.  He was pictured, in his grubby clothes and dreadlocks, between two well-scrubbed, prosperous-looking rescue workers.  It seems that his family had recently been taken in by a builder, him and his wife and three daughters.


    The good samaritan died in the flood.  Jamie’s wife died in the flood.  His three girls died in the flood.  And now I’m tearing up again just thinking about it.  Why this particular thing got to me, I don’t know.  Maybe because he’s a carpenter, and my dad was.  Maybe just his body language in the photo.  Maybe because I had a strong feeling that he had spent time before being walked by a couple of guys , only those guys were wearing guns and carrying badges.  Maybe because I wondered if he had  started making progress because he got clean and sober, and maybe now he would dive back into the bottle or crack pipe or whatever.  Or maybe–just maybe–I am starting to turn into something resembling a human being.  I dunno.


    I do know that if empathy means feeling this bad, I’m not at all sure I want any part of it.

  • Kittens:  A Poem

    There’s kittens in the waste-can,
    And kittens in my chair.
    There’s kittens dancing on my bed,
    There’s kittens everywhere!

     They’re swinging on the curtain,
    And hanging from the sash.
    One just jumped in the water dish
    And made a mighty splash.

     They made a kitten ladder
    And they’re climbing up the walls.
    Now they’re climbing up my pantleg
    And clawing at my balls.

     And now I’ve had to arm myself,
    Although they’re mighty cute.
    But if one more draws blood from me,
    I swear to God, I’ll shoot.

     Now there’s kittens in the stew-pot,
    And kittens on the run.
    There’s kitten-corpses everywhere,
    It’s my turn to have fun.

    (spacing fixed by wifey-elf… SHHH! Don’t tell Greyfox.)

  • Tsunami brings flood of religious bullshit


    Not surprisingly, the professional religious nuts–the pastrs and priests and boohoos and gurus and imams and lamas and pedophiles (oops, I said priests already, didn’t I?)–are jumping on the bandwagon, making their little pronouncements about why the flood and stuff happened.  Some Muslim muckymuck is saying the flood and all happened because God was upset that more people were not reading the Koran and heeding its message. My reasoned, rational, and highly evolved response to that is, fuck you and fuck the camel you rode in on.


    Cal Thomas, a syndicated columnist, has written a thing headlined “Liberal clergy offer little help in time of questions.”  I don’t know exactly what he means by “liberal clergy”–maybe he means pastors who do NOT preach that gays are all going to hell, and who do NOT keep a well-thumbed copy of the Malleus  Maleficarum on their bed stands.  I can’t help wondering if he even knows exactly what he means by the term–religion seems to bring out some pretty fuzzy thinking, even among otherwise intelligent people.


    The column bothered the hell out of me, so to speak, and I couldn’t figure out why.  Then it hit me–it is a wondrous blend of sense and nonsense.  He says “Human tragedy is bad enough, but listening to some theologians trying to explain it is doubly irritating.”  That makes a lot of sense to me, I could not agree more.  Then he goes on to say “Theologians should offer hope and truth.  The pagans serve up enough doubt.”  What the fuck?  Why this slur on pagans?  Does he not know what a pagan is, does he think “pagan” is synonymous with “atheist” or what?  As a pagan, and a heathen and a gnostic Christian of sorts (by some definitions), I am deeply offended.  As a lover of precision in language, I am really annoyed.  Does this clown not own a dictionary?  But I digress.


    He sort of quotes unspecified folks asking, how could a “loving” God allow such as thing to happen?  Well, duh, the question itself  is so ignorant and arrogant in the first place it makes my hair hurt.  And I have a lot of hair.  Granted, the flood caused a lot of destruction, and a lot on expense and inconvenience.  But still, everyone who died would have died anyway.  And everyone who died, only died on the physical plane; their spirits endure.  Cal comes close to getting this, when he writes “Shouldn’t a ‘good God’ provide a way to escape the grave?  He has, but that requires faith. . .  .”  WRONG, communion wafer-breath?  I assume he means that you have to be washed in the blood of the Lamb or whatever, in order to get eternal life.  That is bullshit, pure and simple.


    God gave us all some great gifts, including life on this plane, free will, and eternal life in spirit.  There were no fucking strings attached.  You don’t have to believe anything, or know the secret handshake or have the special decoder ring or anything.  God is just not that stingy or that petty.


    Ironically, Cal says “. . . many sceptics try to bring God down to man’s level.”  He is doing exactly the same thing himself, as do all those  nitwits who describe themselves as “God-fearing.”  No one has anything to fear from God.  God is always on our side, even if we are not always on His.

  • Have You Seen the Elephant?


    I. M. Boyd does this wonderful little syndicated column, consists of little factoids–odd things from history or natural science, word derivations, that sort of stuff.  Today, he mentioned the phrase “seen the elephant.”  He said that 150 years or so ago, when a farm boy went to the city, he saw the elephant.  When a soldier first experienced combat, he saw the elephant.  In other words, the phrase denotes the loss of innocence (or ignorance–which are pretty much the same thing) and/or the gaining of knowldge, real-world experience or sophistication.


    I can’t help wondering if that phrase does not somehow relate to the state of society today.  What with media turning everything into entertainment, “reality” shows that have precious little to do with reality, rich sadists being able to log onto a web site and cybernetically kill a real animal, politicians who get elected by selling fear-based fantasies, video games that give one points for virtually killing police officers and beating up “ho’s,” I think that there are many people running around today who have never seen the elephant–they have watched  ”Dumbo” a few times, maybe, but have never seen a real elephant.


    Me, I have seen more than a few elephants.  Even rode on one of the critters at the state fair–and had a heck of a hangover at the time, I might add.  And  more than that, I have shovelled my share of elephant shit.

  • Kittens Now Available for Pit Bull Training


    I’m kidding, of course, but I must admit in all candor that a lot of the gee-whiz and whoop-de-do has gone out of this kitten parenting thing.  The first time they climbed up my pant leg, it was real cute.  Now that both my legs are marked with bloody scratches from kitten-claws, it is not so cute anymore.  The first time one of them swung from the curtain, emitting little kitteny Tarzan yells, it was adorable.  Now that the curtain is thoroughly perforated, and Kathy  reminds me that if I don’t take steps to curtail that behavior, I will have full-grown cats swinging from the curtain and maybe bringing the whole works crashing down–again, not so adorable.  And do I have to say how tired I am of stepping into wet spots on the carpet when I get up?


    Don’t get me wrong.  I love the little guys and if it came to it, I would put my life at risk to save theirs.  This is irrational as hell, I know, but that’s the way it is.  But I am learning from experience the wisdom of the advice not to give away critters casually.  Having a life ,or three or four or five, absolutely depending on you is a responsibility not to be undertaken lightly.


    Still and all, they give me a lot more than they take.  I enjoy laying awake at night sometimes listening to the rustling of the newspapers I put down as the little guys romp and stomp around the cabin.  The first time I held Hohner and he went to sleep in my arms, my  curmudgeon’s heart just absolutely melted. And  I take great pleasure in noting little milestones in their development.  The latest is that they all no longer retire to their box to sleep.  They pretty much bop ’till they drop, and go to sleep wherever they drop.


    All in all, as cabin-mates, kittens are way preferable to domesticated primates.