August 17, 2005
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Announcing a New Religion!
One of the flashiest of the Jesus miracles was the water into wine thing, right? (Never mind that any half-way competant stage illusionist could duplicate it.) Turning water into wine was a good trick, godlike powers and all. However, there is another life-form that can do this as well–yep, ordinary yeast (I bet Kathy already knows where this is going.)
So I propose a new religion–the Yeastafarians. You will worship yeast and consume vast amounts of its by-products, just as the Rastas consume massive amounts of ganja. As a form of worship. Donuts will become a sacrament (no bagel-beaters need apply, however).
Elders in the church will wield massive breadsticks as signs of authority. Mass will consist of lots and lots of beer and stuffed-crust pizza. Catholics have the Pope, cardinals, arch-bishops, bishops, and priests. We will have the Poop, Orioles, Arch- Carhops, Carharts, and Alterboy Toys.
I am still working out the details. Feel free to add suggestions–you may get ordained.
Comments (10)
and there shall be a boulder sized dinner roll in every church for all to revere!
I have a vague, half-baked idea involving sainthood for those poor unfortunates with meitei sho, the systemic yeast infection that makes them get drunk if they ingest starch or sugar. It’s a miracle!
And we shall butter our bread up not down. (Doctor Suess)
On another topic entirely, while looking for something else, I found the entry where I posted pics of Bubba, Pinky, Hilary and Dingus (Hohner, Fullerene, Buckyball and Dingus) when they were small.
HERE
What about the…making some bread into…much more bread…part? And the fish? Can’t forget the fishies…
Mmmmmmm… fresh bread… But keep the beer. Nasty stuff!
And we shall celebrate the time of year that some folks call ‘Easter’ by hanging dead bunnies on a hugh, puffy, Pillsbury Dough-Boy!!
Is that a real book or do you make up the titles?
We will also need The Keeper (of the doughball) so the original yeast will be carried on forever. Someone who can be trusted to guard it, and be willing to die for it!
Guys wearing Pizza Delivery signs on their heads will walk down the aisles carrying empty pizza boxes and the collection will consist of mozzerella, mushrooms, tomatoes, oregano (or whatever), etc. If you did not bring anything to contribute, you must serve next week as the dude(ette) wearing the hats & collecting. Unless you are willing to pay $5 for five whacks from the Elders breadsticks…while chanting ‘we deliver, we deliver!’ with gusto.