August 26, 2005
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On Relapse: A 12-step poem (sort of)
Some months ago, our meetings swelled
To fifty souls or more.
More recently, the numbers fell
To fewer than a score.Why did they choose to fail, to lose,
Those ones who left our door?
Why did they choose to dope and booze
Just like they did before?They worked the steps, they read the books,
They made the meeting’s hour.
Did they all buy the heinous lie
That says we have no power?The toxic waste some choose to taste
Is quite devoid of will.
It has no say to rule or sway–
We choose to take the pill.We each create the life we live
And therein lies our power.
We each can choose to win, or use–
To wither, or to flower.
Notes–this was inspired by the fact that a lot of folks have been
dropping out of our NA group lately, including one guy who was a
veritable rock star of NA–had a great business (he was a general
contractor); had lots of expensive toys–motorcycle, four-wheeler, and
so forth; and lived in a big ugly house he built, with his young
trophy wife. Celebrated his anonymity by wearing a jacket with
“NA” on it in big letters. He always spouted the NA line,
but went out and started drawing $500 a day from his business account,
blew it all on dope. He is in rehab now.Step One–”we admitted we were powerless over our addiction.”
The poem is, I think, very interesting from a technical point of
view, what with the internal rhymes and symmetry of the first and last
stanzas.
Comments (8)
I went to NA once. I didnt’ like people telling me what I needed to do. I got clean much better on my own I think. My last relapse was………..*thinks*…….. 3 years ago. Every once in awhile I get the urge to go, but all those people talking bout how drugs are bad kinda makes me wanna go do some. lol I’m such a rebel.
Kudos to you for doing what you had to do, to get shit together!
I wish everyone could hear it spoken in your voice, as I did last night… sounds better that way, I think. Now, I’m going to tighten up the spacing, and make a hard copy for you to post if that’s your desire.
Awesome poem! Gotta agree with my Faery friend. Those NA assholes talking about spending thousands of dollars a day and you’re saying ‘shit, wish I’d known ya back then!’
Personally, I moved very far away from the City and keep myself broke buying groceries and paying bills. Used to go in a different order: drugs, food, bills.
Lost a few friends who were not really friends anyway so who cares? The word ‘user’ can apply to fake friendships as well as drugs.
Oh yeah, and let’s NOT FORGET the Thirteen Steppers! (do you remember some short little dark nasty man named Dwayne or De-wain or something like that?) Showed up at my place for a date with a bag of candy! Want some candy little girl? EEEKKKK! I think I read in the papers couple years later his ‘wife’ was murdered. Always wondered if he did it.
Hey, since you don’t mind my blogging here’s some funny memories:
The Treehouse – me & Sees putting stuff in a basket for you and you’d pull it up? Also the time some tool fell out and hit me on the head! Felt like a hammer, but was told later if it’d been a hammer it woulda killed me.
Dark Humor Dress-Up for Pics: Basically, putting lots of black & white make up on your kid seestors and dressing them up in old creepy looking suits and giving us knives and such to ‘pose for the picture’! LOL – wonder if any of those pics still exist?
Psychedelic (sp?) Basement Parties – While ‘babysitting’ (I guess – I know the parents were not home during these great moments in history) - You were 18, we were 7 and 9 I guess. Around there. Me and Sees laughing our asses off when your friends came to the kitchen and tripped out over rolling golf balls down the porch roof over and over again! Also, people making coffee and putting really STRANGE things in it (ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, hell, whatever they found in the pantry).
Okay, gotta get going. I think. Or not.
Toodles!
Thanks for the great suggestions. I have a white 7 day candle which I keep burning most of the time on my altar. Nothing cinnamon, though, I’ll check into that. I can pick up some crystals at the local shop, they teach classes there all the time on divination, tarot, Reiki, etc. I’m planning on attending the next one about crystal healing. Also, my pendulum is amethyst since I’m an Aquarian born in February. I’m wondering if I should have picked a different crystal. I may look and see what the shop has and pick up something else to try.
Thanks again. I really appreciate the advice.
hello
Jesus loves you my friend wont you let him rule your mind and heart?
love Shekinah Spirit
i enjoyed this poem… i’m recovering from said addiction.. and i was blowing my life a way on dope .. all the while it was making me crazy and killing me.. i only attended a few na meetings. ive tried to do it on my own and have done well so far… i hope it continues..
it just makes my heart sing to know others are doing so well with it too. perhaps i should find a group around here.. i know i am powerless over my addiction.. some days i just try to look the other way.
have a good day..
That is a powerful poem. In support groups of any type, it’s sad to see anyone leave, for any reason, but it does feel worse when they’ve gone to go back to old habits.
wither or flower… awesome.