For today, I decided to pick a subject far more pleasant and palatable than Sarah Palin–the common cockroach. These critters, as most everyone knows, are tough and adaptable. They can mutate so fast that a poison that kills them dead today just gives their descendents a nice buzz a year or so down the road. They are far more resistant to radiation than us domesticated primates, and can survive for a long time on no food and very little water. They have been around for something like 250 million years,a record that no other critter even comes close to besting. All this has led some folks to believe that in the event we manage to kill ourselves off, the cockroach will live on. Not true–at least for folks in temperate climes.
Thing is, the cockroach is a tropical critter, who survives in cities only because we supply him with warmth. After we are gone, the roaches in places like New York City and Boston will freeze their little keisters off. But this is actually a bit of a digression, because I want to expand upon one of their little-known abilities–they can synthesize vitamin C. This is a very big deal, since we need the stuff to survive and it does not occur in mnay foods besides citrus fruits and red meat. So what I am getting to is my idea for a dandy horror movie.
You have this evil scientist (think Jeffrey Combs in Reanimator), who does gene-splicing. He falls in love with roaches, studies them at length. This would give us great lab scenes with bazillions of raoches, who havem,IMHO, a very high ick factor. He gets obsessed with the vitamon C thing, as well as someother true survival traits of the critters, and decides to do some roach-human gene-splicing. Naturally, he chooses a tasty young female for this, and does his work without her knowledge or consent–tells her it’ll make her stay young or something.
She becomes impregnated and carries a human-roach hybrid, learns the truth, runs away, and has many, many young in a remote location. Just thinking about the birth scene gives me the creeps, not to mention thinking about what they might do to survive, and what happens when they make their way to a city.
I will let whoever actually makes the movie take it from there. BTW–I want one percent of the gross against $25,000 cash for the idea, okay?
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