July 22, 2004
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$%&#@!!! Cell phone!
Beautiful woman goes to an eye doctor, says she can’t see right. Doc gives her a bunch of tests and sure enough, her vision is off but for the life of him, he can’t make a diagnosis. Frustrated and aroused, he drops trou and exposes his engorged member.
“Can you see THAT?,” he demands.
“OH yes,” replies the woman.
“There’s your problem. You’re cock-eyed.”
An ongoing cell-phone problem reminded me of this old chestnut. I have Cellular One service–arguably the worst on the planet, except maybe for the state-run service in Abu Dhabi. Plus I live in a cell black hole, plus there is lots of sun-spot activity lately, so a conversation with my sweety goes like this:
“Can you hear me?” crackle crackle
“Are you there?” crackle crackle
“SHIT!”
Invariably, she hears “Shit” just fine. Obscenity and profanity goes through great. So our last conversation, which was kinda important since it involved my briefing her on the latest sales went like this:
“Okay, I have the mother-fucking cock-sucking Carr’s flyer here, damn it. The assholes have a sale on seedless fucking grapes. I also have the goddamn monthly fucking flyer from fucking Fred Meyer’s, and the bastards have cereal on sale. . . .”
And so on. No fucking problem.
Comments (9)
Hahahaha.
Somewhere in the Alaskan wilderness–on a remote outspost–there is an eccentric technician with a knob and some headphones who listens to all of your conversations and decides when to turn up the static and when to turn it down.
Y’know, I’ve had thoughts similar to what the wizard wrote there, but mine involved aliens in orbit. It is uncanny the way transmission clears up when you get vulgar. I laughed so hard last night at that conversation that I gave myself an asthma attack. Just now, reading this blog, I laughed out loud and got tears in my eyes. It’s a damn funny situation!
lmao
Ok, now I’m laughing my ass off b/c my hunny and I wind up with the same damn problem when he drives through dead zones! I’m just gonna have to keep cussing my head off and maybe we won’t have a problem!
LMFAO!!
lmao too! Out in the ridges and valleys of SW WI, we don’t get great reception either.
Oh this is funny… I’m betting you are right about boosting the power…
You reminded me of George Carlin with this blog.
hee hee